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You are here: Families & Children > Adoption > Stepparent/Domestic Partner Adoptions > Questions & Answers > What about telling the other parent about the adoption?
Why do I have to let my child's other birth parent know about the stepparent or domestic partner adoption?
What if my child only has one birth parent?
What if my child's other birth parent is deceased?
What if my child's other birth parent does not admit that he or she is the child's parent?
What if I don't know where my child's other birth parent is?
If my child's other birth parent has been gone for years, and I haven't seen him/her, do I still have to let him/her know?
How can I find my children's other birth parent?
What will the court want me to do to try to find the other birth parent?
What if after trying everything, I still can't find the other birth parent?
What happens if I don't really look for a birth parent, and the birth parent shows up later to undo the adoption.
What if my child was conceived through artificial insemination with an anonymous donor?
Why do I have to let my child's other birth parent know about the stepparent or domestic partner adoption?
In a stepparent or domestic partner adoption, the court will end the parental rights of your children's other birth parent. Many times, the child's other birth parent agrees (consent) to the adoption. In some cases, the court will end the other birth parent's rights anyway even when he or she doesn't agree. This is very serious, so the court doesn't want to do it unless the other birth parent knows about it and has a chance to go to court and tell his or her side to the judge. The judge will then decide if the court will end the parental rights or not.
Think about it if the situation was reversed. You would not want your child's other parent and his or her new spouse to end your rights as a parent without you knowing about it.
What if my child only has one birth parent?
Unless your child was conceived through artificial insemination, with an anonymous donor, your child most likely has another parent.
If your child was conceived through artificial insemination with a known donor, and that donor's parental rights were not ended legally, the donor could be considered to be a birth parent.
What if my child's other birth parent is deceased?
Tell the judge in your adoption request and at your court hearing. You will need to give the judge some type of proof, like a certified copy of a death certificate.
What if my child's other birth parent does not admit that he or she is the child's parent?
Cases where parentage (opens in new window) is contested are very complicated. Talk to a lawyer. Click here for help finding a lawyer.
What if I don't know where my child's other birth parent is?
Even if you do not know who or where the other parent is, you still have to:
- Find the other parent and get a written consent (agreement) to the adoption. If you find the other parent and he or she will not agree, click here. If you find the other parent and he or she denies s/he is the child's parent, click here
Or
- Get a court order to end the other parent's parental rights after searching for him or her and proving to the judge that you tried everything possible to find the other parent.
Talk to a lawyer for help deciding what to do in your case.
Click here for help finding a lawyer.
If my child's other birth parent has been gone for years, and we haven't seen him/her, do we still have to let him/her know?
Yes. You have to at least try everything possible to find the other parent. Talk to a lawyer or the clerk of the court to find out what the judge will want you to do to find the other parent. If you do everything the judge asks, and still can't find the other parent, the judge usually will end the rights of the other parent.
How can I find my children's other birth parent?
Here are some things you can try:
- Send a letter, certified, registered with return receipt requested, addressed to the other birth parent at his or her last known address
- If you know for sure that the other parent left that last known address, send a letter to that address and write on the envelope: "Do not forward. Address correction requested." If the other parent left a forwarding address, the post office will return the letter to you with the new address.
- Call friends you had in common or family members of the other parent to see if they have any information
- Call telephone directory in any city where you think the other parent could be living
- Do an internet search for the other parent
- Contact the Department of Child Support Services in your city or county to see if they have any information on the other parent, especially if you ever filed for child support before.
- Contact the DMV to see if they will give you any information.
- Contact the County Recorder's office in any county the other parent has lived in to see if you can find any information. Click here
 to find the county recorder.
- Check the voter registration records in the county where the other parent lives or has lived.
- Pay a private investigator or an internet search service.
Make sure you keep track of the dates, times, and the results of all of your efforts to find the other parent. You will have to give the court all these details in writing to get the court's permission to let you move ahead with your case even if you can't find the other parent.
What will the court want me to do to try to find the other birth parent?
It depends, and you should talk to a lawyer or ask the clerk in your court.
Most courts will ask you to at least do these things:
- Send a certified letter to that parent's last known address
- Call friends you had in common or family members of the other parent to see if they have any information
- Call telephone directory in any city where you think the other parent could be living
- Do an internet search for the other parent
- Contact the Department of Child Support Services in your city or county to see if they have any information on the other parent, especially if you ever filed for child support before.
- Contact the DMV to see if they will give you any information. It's very possible that the DMV will not give you information, so just make a note of when you called and what they told you.
- Contact the County Recorder's office in any county the other parent has lived in to see if you can find any information. Click here to find the county recorder.
- Check the voter registration records in the county where the other parent lives or has lived.
Make sure you keep track of the dates, times, and the results of all of your efforts to find the other parent. You will have to give the court all these details in writing to get the court's permission to let you move ahead with your case even if you can't find the other parent.
What if after trying everything, I still can't find the other birth parent?
You will have to explain to the judge every thing you tried to find the other parent, with the dates you tried and the result. If the judge agrees that you have tried everything possible, the judge may let you go ahead with the adoption without letting the other birth parent know.
What happens if I don't really look for the other birth parent, and the other birth parent shows up later to undo the adoption?
The other parent, once he or she finds out about the adoption, could go to court, give the judge proof that you didn't do everything the law requires you to do, and try to have the adoption cancelled. That's why it is very important that you follow each step and make sure that the adoption is done right.
What if my child was conceived through artificial insemination with an anonymous donor?
If your child was conceived through artificial insemination with an anonymous donor, and you were the only person involved in the entire process, the only person to sign all the sperm bank and hospital records, and you weren't married or with a domestic partner, then you probably don't need to get anyone else's consent. But talk to a lawyer to make sure. The judge may ask for a letter from the doctor or sperm bank confirming you did the artificial insemination on your own.
Click here for help finding a lawyer.
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Last modified: 08/25/2008
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