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You are here: Families & Children > Custody & Visitation > Custody Mediation - Focus on the Child's Needs
Click on a topic below:
What is custody mediation?
What is Family Court Services?
Do I have to go to mediation?
What happens in mediation?
Who are the mediators?
Does the mediator make a recommendation to the judge?
Is what I say in mediation confidential?
Does the mediator meet with the children?
What if we reach an agreement in mediation?
What if we don't reach an agreement in mediation?
What happens if one or both of us have lawyers?
What if I’m worried about domestic violence?
What is an evaluation?
Who does the evaluation?
How do I complain about my mediator or evaluator?
What is custody mediation?
Custody mediation gives parents a chance to resolve disagreements with the help of an expert in resolving these disagreements. If the parents are able to work out an agreement, the mediator helps the parents write a custody and visitation order.
The goals of mediation are to:
- Help you make a parenting plan that's in the best interest of your children.
- Help you make a parenting plan that lets your children spend time with both parents.
- Help you learn ways to deal with anger or resentment.
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What Is Family Court Services?
Family Court Services is usually part of the Superior Court. Family Court Services has mediators who mediate disagreements between parents who are separating regarding the care of their children.
You don’t have to pay for the mediators from Family Court Services.
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Do we have to go to mediation?
Yes, if you and the other parent cannot agree on a parenting plan for your children, you must go to mediation. The Family Code (which is the law in this area) requires that if there is a dispute regarding the children, the parties must try to resolve their dispute in mediation. If the parents can’t agree in mediation, the judge will make an order at a hearing. Family Code Section 3170)  .
But, although you have to go to mediation, you don’t have to reach an agreement.
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What happens in mediation?
Mediation can be a way to make decisions about your children without going to court. You and the other parent can make your own agreement for how you will take care of your children. The legal word for this agreement is "stipulation." It is also called a "parenting plan" or a "parenting agreement."
Generally:
- The mediator meets with the parents together and/or individually. The mediator will ask questions to develop an understanding of the family history. In cases of domestic violence, you have the right to meet with the mediator separately. In domestic violence cases, you can also bring a support person.
- The mediator and parents will narrow down the issues that need to be resolved. The mediator helps the parents to focus on developing a parenting plan that is in the best interest of their children.
- The mediator will share information on the needs of children of different ages and stages of development. The mediation may address legal custody, parenting plans, holiday and vacation schedules, transportation and other areas that relate to the needs of the children.
- Parties will consider the options and may resolve all, some or none of these issues.
Remember, this information may not apply or be appropriate in cases of domestic violence or abuse. Click here for more information on domestic violence issues.
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Who are the mediators?
A mediator:
- Generally has a master's degree in counseling, social work, or a related field;
- Has at least 2 years of experience working in mental health;
- Knows how the family court system works; and
- May also have information about community services that might be helpful to you.
California has developed standards for conducting mediation. The standards are in the California Rules of Court 5.210.
What do mediators do?
Although mediators are experienced in counseling, mediation is not counseling. A mediator meets with both parents and helps them try to agree on a plan that is best for their child. The mediator's job is to:
- Listen to both of you.
- Be neutral.
- Help you look at different options.
- Help you decide when the child will be with each parent.
- Help you decide how future decisions about your child will be made.
- Help you consider how best to protect your child's safety and welfare.
Guidelines for mediation:
- Treat each other with respect. You will both get a chance to explain your ideas.
- Listen to each other and try to find real solutions.
- Put the children first. Think about what they need and can handle.
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Does the mediator make a recommendation to the judge?
It depends on your county. In some counties, mediators make recommendations to the judge. In some counties, if you and the other parent can't agree on a parenting plan through mediation, the mediator is asked to give the court a written recommendation. It will contain the mediator's opinion about what parenting arrangement will be in your child's best interest. You will also get a copy of the recommendation.
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Does the mediator meet with both parents together?
Usually, yes. Mediators interview both parties together. But, if there has been domestic violence or there is a restraining order between the parents, the parent victim of the violence can ask to meet with the mediator separately. Sometimes, the mediator may decide it is more appropriate and helpful to meet separately and s/he can do that.
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Does the mediator meet with the children?
It depends. Mediators will interview children if it will help the parents to develop a parenting plan that is best for the children. Mediators are trained professionals and know how to interview children without making them choose between their parents or putting them in the middle.
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Is what I say in mediation confidential?
- In some counties what you say is confidential, and it will stay between you and the mediator and the other parent. The other parent can't use it in court.
- In other counties, mediators make "recommendations" to the judge when the parents don't reach an agreement in mediation. The mediator may include what you say in mediation in the report sent to the judge, to the other parent and his or her attorney - but it's confidential as far as anyone else goes.
- If a mediator suspects child abuse, he or she may need to report this to child protective services.
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What happens if we reach an agreement in mediation?
If you reach an agreement on your parenting plan, the mediator will usually prepare a written agreement for both parents to sign. If neither parent has a lawyer, the mediator or the parents will give the agreement to the judge to approve and sign. When the judge signs it, it becomes an official court order.
If either parent has a lawyer, you should talk to your lawyer about what you should do if you reach an agreement in mediation. Your lawyer may review it before you and s/he sign it and will then take care of getting the judge to sign it and file it with the court.
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What happens if we can't reach an agreement in mediation?
What happens after mediation depends on the court:
- There is usually a court hearing or settlement conference with the judge to resolve issues.
- The judge may make decisions on a parenting plan.
- The judge may order an evaluation by a mental health professional to get more information before making a decision.
- In some courts, the judge may ask the mediator to make a recommendation.
Ask your mediator how the process works in your local court. The Family Law Facilitator may also be able to answer your questions. Click here to find the Family Law Facilitator in your county.
Even when you can’t reach an agreement on every issue in mediation, it can help you narrow down the issues that you disagree about and settle the case later.
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What happens in mediation if one or both of us have lawyers?
Mediation can still happen, and in some cases, the lawyer will participate with you and the mediator. You and your lawyer can talk with the mediator about this. But you and your lawyer need to decide if your lawyer will go to the mediation, and then be sure to tell the mediator and other party whether the attorney will be coming. Some counties may not allow the lawyer in the mediation, so ask your mediator about the rules in your court.
It could be very helpful to you to get legal advice before or after the mediation. It will help you understand your legal rights and responsibilities and to develop options for reaching an agreement. So even if you are representing yourself in the court case, consider talking with a lawyer about the issues and possible the agreements you are reaching in mediation.
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What if I’m worried about domestic violence?
If you have to go to mediation with a person who controls or attempts to control you through force, intimidation or the threat of violence, you have the right to ask to meet with the mediator separately from the other parent. The mediators are trained in the dynamics of domestic violence to protect your safety and any household member.
If you've experienced domestic violence:
- Tell your lawyer, if you have one.
- Tell your mediator as soon as possible.
- Answer all of the judge or mediator's questions about this issue.
- You can see the mediator without the other parent.
If a mediator suspects child abuse, he or she may need to report it. (It is a crime for a parent to file a false report of child abuse against the other parent.) Ask your mediator for a list of places that can help you and your children.
Click here for more information about child abuse.
Click here for 50 Facts You Should Know About Child Abuse.
click here for the Department of Social Services Office of Child Abuse Prevention.
If you've experienced domestic violence, you may bring a support person to the mediation with you. Learn more about child custody in domestic violence cases.
To learn more about child custody mediation when your child's other parent has been abusive, click here.
Click here for more help with domestic violence problems.
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What is an evaluation?
In some cases, the judge decides that it is in the best interest of the child to have a child custody evaluation. A custody evaluation is an investigation into the facts of the case. Usually, the investigation includes interviews with the parents, children, and other people who may have information about the situation, like teachers, doctors, other relatives, or counselors. It can also include other important reports that relate to the family, like court records, police reports, and reports from providers of anger management or parenting classes. The evaluator may also visit the home or the school site.
A custody evaluation generally takes up to 60 days. And, usually, the parents must pay a fee for this service.
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Who does the evaluation?
It depends. Sometimes it could be someone from Family Court Services at your court (but not your mediator). Other times, the judge may appoint a private professional to do it.
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How do I complain about my mediator or the evaluator?
First, if you have a complaint against a mediator or evaluator with Family Court Services, talk to the Director of Family Court Services to find out how to make a complaint. Follow the procedures for filing a complaint in your court. If you are not happy with the result after you file the complaint, you can explain your complaint to the judge at the time of your hearing.
If your complaint is about ethical conduct, or if you believe the court did not deal with your complaint appropriately, there are state licensing boards that address complaints about licensed professionals:
Board of Behavioral Sciences
1625 North Market Blvd., Suite S-200,
Sacramento, CA 95834
(916) 574-7830
Fax: (916) 574-8625
http://www.bbs.ca.gov/
California Board of Psychology
1422 Howe Avenue, Suite 22
Sacramento, CA 95825-3200
(916) 263-2699
http://www.psychboard.ca.gov/
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Last modified: 03/17/2008
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