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Children and Separation or Divorce

Basics of Custody and Visitation

Parenting After Separation

Custody and Visitation Orders

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Parenting After Separation

How can I be a good parent during the separation?

How do I find a parenting class?

How do we make a parenting plan for our children?


How can I be a good parent during the separation?
Children benefit when the parents:

  • Avoid conflict and avoid any physical violence or emotional abuse
  • Handle rules and discipline in similar ways
  • Support appropriate and safe contact with grandparents and other extended family so the children do not experience a sense of loss.
  • Are flexible so the child can take advantage of opportunities to participate in special family celebrations or events.
  • Give as much advance notice as possible to the other parent about special occasions.
  • Provide an itinerary of travel dates, destination and places where the child or parent can be reached when on vacation.
  • Establish a workable "business like" method of communication
  • Plan their vacations around the child's regularly scheduled activities

Children are harmed when parents:

  • Use physical violence
  • Make their child choose between each parent
  • Question their child about the other parent's activities or relationships
  • Make promises they do not keep
  • Argue with or put down the other parent in the child's presence or range of hearing
  • Discuss their personal problems with the child or in the child's range of hearing
  • Use the child as a messenger, spy or mediator
  • Withhold access because child support has not been paid
For more detail on creating a parenting plan that is best for your children, click here.

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How do I find a parenting class?

The Family Court in your county has an office, called Family Court Services, which usually has a list of parenting classes. Click here to find the Family Court Services in your county.

Also, most areas have groups like the YMCA, youth agencies, community agencies, and religious groups that offer:

  • Handouts on normal development for babies, toddlers, and preschoolers.
  • Articles with checklists for picking a quality daycare.
  • Parenting classes with tips for handling typical situations.

Because there are so many resources available, it is best if you search for what you want in your city or county. Go to a search engine like Google, Yahoo, or Ask and search for "parenting resources" or "parenting classes" in your city. There are online parenting classes, guidelines, handouts, for parents and children of all ages.

And, mental health professionals also can help to point out important issues for the family and help you make the separation as easy on your children as possible.

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How do we make a parenting plan for our children?

This section has information for parents that are separated or divorced.
Click on a topic below:

Basics of parenting plans

What should be in a parenting plan?

What do young children (5 years old and younger) need?

What do older children (6 years old and older) need?

Where can I find more information on parenting plans and help for children of different ages?

We are a gay/lesbian couple. Where can we find information about children of same-sex parents?

Resource links

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