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You are here: Families & Children > Custody & Visitation > How Do We Make a Parenting Plan for Our Children? > Basics of Parenting Plans
Who is this information for?
What is a parenting plan?
General suggestions for your parenting plan
How do we talk to each other?
Who is this information for?
This information is for parents who are not facing issues of drug abuse, sexual abuse, or domestic violence.
CAUTION: If your family has problems with drug abuse, violence, neglect, or sexual abuse, it can be very hard to make a safe parenting plan that works. Get help from an agency or counselor. Click here  for resources in your county.
Click here for more information about domestic violence and child custody.
Click here for more information about child abuse. Click here for child abuse resources.
Click here for information on substance abuse issues and where you can get help.
Once the court is involved there may be additional ways to help you create a safe parenting plan, and the court’s Family Court Services can help you.
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What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan, also called a “custody and visitation agreement,’ is the parents’ written agreement about:
- Time: a schedule for when the children will be with each parent
- Decision-making: how the parents will make decisions about the health, education and welfare of the child.
With a written plan, the parents and your children will know what to expect and will have fewer conflicts in your shared parenting time.
Your parenting plan becomes a court order after it is signed by both parents, signed by the judge, and filed with the court.
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General suggestions for your Parenting Plan
Parents need to make a parenting plan that is in the best interest of your child. When both parents are active in their kids’ lives and do not fight over custody and visitation schedules, the children will usually do much better. Change is hard for children.
Some suggestions:
- Meet your child's basic needs for:
- Love, protection, and guidance,
- A healthy diet,
- Good medical care, and
- Enough rest.
- Consider your child's age, personality, experiences, and ability. Every child is different. Adjust your plan to your child, NOT your child to your plan.
- Give your child regular, consistent times with each of you for day-to-day care, overnights, activities, schoolwork, vacations, and holidays. Use a calendar to help you.
- Give your plan enough detail so it's easy to understand and enforce.
- Give your child a sense of security and a reliable routine.
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How do we talk to each other?
How you talk to each other and to your children can make a big difference. Try to think about the other parent as a business partner. Acting "businesslike" might help get your mind off the pain and stress so you can focus better on your children.
Here are some tips:
- Be polite, just like you would be at work.
- Stay on the subject. Focus on doing what is best for your child.
- Control your emotions, just like you would do at work.
- Be clear and specific when you talk to the other parent. Write things down and keep businesslike records of important agreements.
- Keep your promises. Your children need to be able to trust and rely on you. This is very important right now.
- Watch the words you use when you talk about divorce.
INSTEAD OF SAYING: |
TRY SAYING: |
wife, husband, ex-wife, ex-husband, my "ex" |
children's mother, children's father |
has visitation with |
stays with, comes over |
custody and visitation agreement |
parenting plan |
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Last modified: 03/17/2008
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