Other Topics: Basics of parenting plans What should be in a parenting plan? What do young children (5 years old and younger) need? What do older children (6 years old and older) need? Where can I find more information on parenting plans and help for children of different ages? We are a gay/lesbian couple. Where can we find information about children of same-sex parents? Resource links

You are here: Families & Children > Custody & Visitation > How Do We Make a Parenting Plan for Our Children? > What Should Be in Our Parenting Plan?

What should be in our parenting plan?

What should be in our parenting plan?
How do we make our parenting agreement work?
What if I have more questions?

What should be in our parenting plan?

• "Physical custody," which means where the child lives and how the child spends his or her time. Think about activities, overnights, and day-to-day care:

• Where should our child be during the week? On weekends?
• Where should our child be for holidays, summer vacations, and special days?
• Which parent will be in charge of which activities (sports, music, homework)?
• Which parent is in charge at which times?
• How will our child get from one parent to the other? Who will pay the costs?
• "Legal custody," which means making decisions about the children.
  Be clear and specific about which decisions each parent can make on their own and which decisions you will make together:
• Schools?
• Daycare?
• Religion?
• Medical and dental care?
• Emergency care?
• Jobs and driving (for older children)?

Stay informed and up-to-date on your child’s life and activities. 
Except in cases of abuse or violence:

• Both parents can have information about the child.
• Both parents can call the child.
• Both parents can look at the child's medical and school records.
• Each parent can have the other parent's address and phone numbers.

Click here for more information on creating a parenting plan .

How much detail should be in our parenting plan?

Parenting plans can be general, specific, or have restrictions. It depends on the court order and what the parents agree to.  A good way to learn about what should be in your parenting plan is to look at the court forms for custody and visitation, like the Child Custody and Visitation Order Attachment (Form FL-341) and the Child Custody and Visitation Application Attachment (Form FL-311).
These forms talk about plans that include weekdays, weekends, holidays, vacations, cost of transportation for visitation, and restrictions on traveling or moving with the children.

Click here for more information on creating a parenting plan for holidays and vacations .

How do we write up our parenting plan or custody/visitation agreement?

• Fill out a Stipulation and Order for Custody and/or Visitation of Children (Form FL-355) as a cover sheet for your custody and visitation agreement.
• Fill out a Child Custody and Visitation Order Attachment (Form FL-341)
• Other forms you may want to use are:
• Children's Holiday Schedule Attachment (Form FL-341(C))
• Additional Provisions-Physical Custody Attachment (FL-341(D))
• Joint Legal Custody Attachment (FL-341(E))

• Both parents must sign the Stipulation and Order for Custody and/or Visitation of Children (Form FL-355) and then make copies.
• Turn in the original and 2 copies to the judge for the judge’s signature.
• Once you have the judge’s signature, make sure you file the Stipulation (agreement) and each parent has a copy.

Make sure you ask the clerk in your court for the proper procedure to do this, since it may be different from court to court.  If you need help, your local Family Law Facilitator may be able to help both of you write up an agreement. Click here to find your local Family Law Facilitator.

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How do we make our parenting agreement work?

• Use a calendar.
  Have a calendar that shows where the children will be and when. Put your calendar in a place that is easy to see. If you need to make a change, explain why. Children and parents do better when things are clear.
• Watch your children.
  You know your children, so:
• Watch to see how they do with the schedule.
• If they aren't doing well, talk to the other parent and try to find a way to fix things.
• Make sure they know that the separation or divorce is not their fault.
• Tell them you love them and will take care of them.
• Let them tell you how they feel about all the changes and what they need from you. And try to listen without getting defensive.

• When you and the other parent don't agree:
  Parents don't always agree on what's best for their children. This is natural. It happens in every relationship.

• Listen to the other parent and respect his or her point of view.
• Control your emotions, just like you do at work.
• Read the "How do we talk to each other? " section above.
• Do what's best for your children.
• Don't put your children in the middle of your fights with the other parent.
• Don’t use physical violence or be mentally or emotionally abusive.

• Changing your plan
  You might need to change your parenting plan when your children get older and things in their lives change. Talk it over with the other parent or see a counselor to help you. If that doesn't work, you may want to go back to family court mediation. Click here to find the family court services program in your county.

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What if I have more questions?
Ask your mediator or lawyer about any questions you have. Click here to find the family court services mediators in your county.
Click here for help finding a lawyer. Your family court will try to make the mediation process as easy as possible.
Click here to find the family law facilitator in your county for information on family court procedures, forms, or referrals to local resources.

Good luck with your parenting plan.

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