Parents that separate will need to have a plan for deciding how they will share and divide their parenting responsibilities. This plan can be called a parenting plan, a time-share plan, or an agreement ("stipulation") regarding child custody and visitation. Any plan must be in writing and signed by both parents and a judge. Make sure that after the judge signs your plan, you file it with the court clerk.
Children react differently to the separation of their parents, and you know your children best. But, here is some information to help you understand what could be going on with your children. It is important that you remain open to talking to your children and that you give them a lot of understanding and nurturing during this time.
In general, children go through different stages in dealing with the grief of their parents' separation:
Shock and denial that their parents are separating.
Anger because their parents are separating.
Depression, seeing that their world is falling apart, and can feel overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness and sadness.
Bargaining, when children take on the responsibilities of making things the way they were, promising themselves or their parents anything to get their parents back together.
Acceptance, when they begin to talk more openly about the separation, get their energy and interests back.
How can we help our children cope with our separation?
Explain to your children that you and the other parent will be living in separate homes. If it is appropriate in your situation, reassure your children they will still have contact with both parents even though the you live in separate homes.
Do not argue with the other parent in front of the children, no matter how hard it is to put off a discussion until later, when your children are not around.
Do not put your children in the middle by using them as messengers or spies between the two parents.
It may help to have your children talk to a counselor or to other children who have gone through their parents' separation.
Show your children that you respect their other parent, and support the time that they spend with each of you.
There are resources in the Parenting Plan section that can give you more information on helping your children cope with your separation. Click here
for those resources.
